How to solve the biggest problem!

[nynick]

The spouse.

How do I get my 250 gallon system? How did you do it if you succeeded? How did you fail if you didn't?

I am about 2 inches away from sneaking it in the backdoor but somehow I think this will put some major strain on a marriage. :) Any tips and tricks will be greatly (!!!) appreciated.

[TimeConsumer]

Offer a trade, buy her something she really wants of equal value.

[keithhays]

First if the tank is a big strain on your marriage, then you probably have bigger issues than the tank i.e. money.

If money isn't the concern, then I would begin planning and have something visual to show her and make sure it doesn't look like some sort of science experiment. It should look like it was planned when the house was built and not a cube of water sitting out to the side of the room. If you have cherry wood everywhere, then don't setup a clunky 2x4 frame or have exposed metal. And, it should be dead silent.

In most cases, a fully thought out plan with visuals and her involvement in the aesthetics is enough to allay worries, so long as the worry isn't money because this hobby cost a lot of money and there is no way around that. Good luck...there is always separate checking accounts. :)

[bb]

I told her it was my dream system.. Now she is getting chickens and I can't say a word! Lol I think she set me up...

[keithhays]

I told her it was my dream system.. Now she is getting chickens and I can't say a word! Lol I think she set me up...

Seems like a good trade off..the city will not come out and shut down your tank, but they will likely shut down her chickens. :wavehand:

[Anim8me2]

You have to get her involved in the process. I did the same thing but she was involved from the start in things like picking livestock. One trip to one of our big stores and she called me over to look at a 300 and was even making 'scaping suggestions.
Remember, it may be your dream but she has to live with it also.

I have too many devices with Tapatalk!

[nynick]

Tried all of the above....no can do :( How someone can blow 5 grand on a vacation but refuse to cooperate on 3 grand on an AMAZING used system off craigs list is beyond me.

What do you have after 2 weeks in some hotel on a beach? A bad tummy and memories of that one German guy that was drunk for breakfast every day....

[MrG]

If money isn't the concern, then I would begin planning and have something visual to show her and make sure it doesn't look like some sort of science experiment. It should look like it was planned when the house was built and not a cube of water sitting out to the side of the room. If you have cherry wood everywhere, then don't setup a clunky 2x4 frame or have exposed metal. And, it should be dead silent.

In most cases, a fully thought out plan with visuals and her involvement in the aesthetics is enough to allay worries, so long as the worry isn't money because this hobby cost a lot of money and there is no way around that. Good luck...there is always separate checking accounts. :)

This.

The less obtrusive your tank is the better off you'll be. This goes for maintenance as well, but I suppose this is more applicable after you've got the tank.

[nynick]

Thanks guys, I will try to work some of those ideas in to my next battle plan. This includes planning a 600g tank and then "compromise" it down to 2 or 300 gallons.... Wish me luck! :)

[Showtime1]

what i did was tell her thats all i wanted for Christmas was the tank so she had no choice lol

[nynick]

what i did was tell her thats all i wanted for Christmas was the tank so she had no choice lol

Guilt trip, I like your style :)

[dread240]

I have a wife complaining the tank is too small and we need a bigger one because she wants an achille's tang....

First world problems :(

[doakota1]

I bought my wife a pot belly pig, she has wanted one forever:dance:

[mnavick]

I was fortunate to have built my house w/tank before we even met. However when I pushed for an upgrade it did take about 6 months of voicing my desire and passion for the hobby :)
Like others have mentioned, getting her involved is key! During the upgrade process (knocking down walls, tank xfers etc) she even participated.
Now she very much enjoys the larger tank and will stand and admire.

[Showtime1]

if you do just do it anyways she will be ****ed but once you have people over and they see it and are amazed she will eventually come around

[Dapg8gt]

With my wife it's different than asthetics.. I have the go ahead already for the "bigger" tank and am stockpiling pieces over time. But we had a real talk about it and my wife's concern or should I say problem was the amount of time that goes into a reef tank in general. She doesn't mind the look of it and likes that company is impressed with the current system she's just how do I say..... Jealous LOL on the time put into it. Maybe that's a point to touch on with your other half.

I do have another thing in my favor though my kid is super into the tank and fish in general so if it came down to it I could pull the mentioned above guilt trip on her :-).good luck and like stated above if the money is not the issue try to see what is her real issue with it. I'm guessing it could be similar to my wife as she would rather not have me talking about it, face plastered to RC, or maintaining it when she is in reality not really into it and just likes the way it looks without having to deal with all that comes with it including an obsessed reefer.:-) bribery always helps too with planned get always or set up "dates" monthly to something that interests her.

[nynick]

The time put into it is definitely a factor here but we have no kids. Maybe I can claim that the cat is interested? :) Living on the 19th floor also adds a bit of a freak out factor.

I am so happy I started this thread, there is not so much of a solution but a lot of tweaking that I can do in my diabolical scheming!

[dastowers]

I feel the OP pain. Maybe we should create a reefmatch.com?

[mcgrawjt]

Living on the 19th floor also adds a bit of a freak out factor.

It has me a little freaked out too... that large of a tank 19 floors up? :uhoh3:

Two ways in my book...

First - whatever the tank cost you tell her you can get a great deal on it and throw out the number "doubled" when she freaks out at the crazy number you say "Relax honey I'm just kidding, it only cost this much" then give her the real price. The first number will freak her out so much that the second one sounds much better and she will think it's reasonable.

Second - just go out and do it, but get it in the house before she gets home. As they say... "it's better to ask for forgiveness than for permission".

As with everything we like to do in our houses there is an associated WAF (wife acceptance factor). You better make it look nice or you will never live it down.

[worm5406]

"Ya know... I have and idea for you. You like it when I stay home more and help around the house. I would like to get an aquarium and make it salt water. Saltwater has the better looking and more colorful fish.

Instead I could be going out drinking, driving, golfing, flirting... But I would rather stay at home instead of doing all of these things.

When you agree we need to sit down and pick out the fish and decide what to add/put in it. And also discuss why to not impluse buy things.

OK I will still let you go out with the girls and get the shoes/hand bag...

Can we do this together, please?

<turn on puppy dog eyes>"


OK Try that.....

[Putt]

Put your foot down and tell her this is the way its going to be,........that's what most guys say before the divorce.

[kenny4128]

you have to get her involved in the process. I did the same thing but she was involved from the start in things like picking livestock. One trip to one of our big stores and she called me over to look at a 300 and was even making 'scaping suggestions.
Remember, it may be your dream but she has to live with it also.

I have too many devices with tapatalk!

+1

[Esage]

Offer a trade, buy her something she really wants of equal value.

This works for me

[GroktheCube]

If money is not the issue, offer a trade.

Draw up some plans about how it would fit aesthetically into your current living space.

Mention all the different extreme measures you're planning to prevent spills.

[nynick]

I feel the OP pain. Maybe we should create a reefmatch.com?

We would have a SEVERE lady shortage. RC has what, 20.000 members and a whopping 8 of those are women :)

[dastowers]

I don't know about that. Lots of ladies on the board- most just don't post their pics. If I didn't have my picture as my avatar you wouldn't have known. <3

[nynick]

I don't know about that. Lots of ladies on the board- most just don't post their pics. If I didn't have my picture as my avatar you wouldn't have known. <3

You can often tell. As much as I hate to use the S word I feel I have to.


Sensible..... such a horrible word...I am off to clean my mouth out with soap. :)

[danil]

if you do just do it anyways she will be ****ed but once you have people over and they see it and are amazed she will eventually come around

this>

[mr_bigl]

Join a reef group and say you won it in a raffle . Just don't leave a $ trail. Lol

Sent from Da Bolt!

[nynick]

Join a reef group and say you won it in a raffle . Just don't leave a $ trail. Lol

Sent from Da Bolt!

Why do I get this strange feeling that we are listening to the voice of experience? :)

[dread240]

Why do I get this strange feeling that we are listening to the voice of experience? :)

if I didn't already have the 7' 210 gallon in the garage i'd say he's a genius lol

[gone fishin]

I guess I am just lucky. I told her one day I would like to get rid of the freshwater and do a saltwater tank. She was good with it. Last year when we moved from Connecticut to Wisconsin she made sure the tank was crated and all the stuff was packed up since I was already here working and house hunting. She told me to find a house that I could have the fish room that I always wanted. I guess what I am trying to say she respects how important the hobby is to me Just as I respect how important her flower gardens are to her. Good luck

[Ostara]

I guess I am just lucky. I told her one day I would like to get rid of the freshwater and do a saltwater tank. She was good with it. Last year when we moved from Connecticut to Wisconsin she made sure the tank was crated and all the stuff was packed up since I was already here working and house hunting. She told me to find a house that I could have the fish room that I always wanted. I guess what I am trying to say she respects how important the hobby is to me Just as I respect how important her flower gardens are to her. Good luck

This is really important in my opinion. My dad loves his hobbies, primarily scuba diving and model railroad but lately also RC planes. Growing up, my mother hated his hobbies and resented every penny he spent on them. She saw it as clothes or jewelry that she would never have. Now obviously she was/is selfish and obnoxious and that isn't the norm. Still, they divorced and he remarried a woman that is not only accepting of his hobbies, but also encourages him by buying him stuff for them. She also got certified and scuba dives with him not because it was something she wanted, but because it has always been a big part of his life and she wanted to be involved. In turn he has respected her love for malamutes (huge, messy, and dumb dogs) and bought two puppies for her that he does most of the maintenance with. He also does all of the "boy" stuff with her sons that she doesn't necessarily want to do and helps with her flowers. They both have always loved skiing, so they share that one too.

Not that this is always what happens of course, but growing up and seeing it first hand has given me a strong appreciation of how important it is to have understandings about these things. Especially since I have obviously inherited my dad's love of hobbies. :D

[Ms Tanky Panky]

That would be 9 Nick : )

[MJNTWise]

Just do what I did...Just buy it and then say I cant resale it to get my money back....Then after its all said and done...She loves it....I think....Maybe Shes just waiting for the right moment...OOO Crap...I'm done for....

[nynick]

Lots of good ideas but somehow I still have the feeling I will come out of this with a black eye.... :)