Our significant others and our reef tanks

[justinr2k]

How many of you guys/gals have a significant other who complains about your tank/reef hobby?

My girlfriend used to complain constantly about how much time and money I spend on my tanks. Nowadays she just mentions it here and there. Mostly when I finally sit down at 9pm to spend some time with her. It's not always 9pm. But I barely ever make it done with whatever I'm doing by 8pm. I get off work at 5 and am home by 5:15 or so, then it's tank time. I'm either cleaning, rearranging, changing water, testing water, feeding, fixing, or misc other things. It's like I have to have a project. Last weekend I ran pipes in the attic from laundry room to behind tank to somewhat automate water changes.

It's always one little thing I need to do. Then it's another and another. Or sometimes the little thing turns out to be a big thing. But I can honestly say that I love it. It's my favorite thing to do. My girlfriend just doesn't seem to like me spending so much time on it. Or should I say more time on it than on her. We finally came to the agreement that I be done by 8pm every night. She realized I was going to do something to my tank every evening so the compromise was that she gets 8-bedtime. Most of the time I'm done by 8 and we go to bed between 11-12. It's a great and fun hobby for most of us. It just takes up a lot of our time.

Just figured others out there had similar issues.

[NastyZ]

When I was first setting up my tank my wife loved the idea of a tank and actually pushed me to get one but soon realized that it was taking a lot if my free time I would spend countless hours reading and tinkering she expensed her concern and i realized that I was spending to much time on my tank but as my tank became more mature and things became more automated (controllers and ATO) my tink time went down and now I can actually enjoy my tank and look at it with wanting to change something more importantly spending time with my wife and kids couple of thing I did is alway include my wife in decisions: pick a fish, pick a coral, do you like this color combo ect and I got my kids involved with water changes mostly letting them hole the hose, fill my ATO and feeding the fish my wife loves the tank she alway showing it off and posting pics of it so it worked out you have to look at from her point of view how would you like it all she did was stay in the bathroom all night and do her hair and you only saw for an hour or so you wouldn't like it would you

[scott3569]

Well, I am not sure my input is much good here because one I don't have my tank up, and two I don't have anyone else in my life..

That being said..If I did, I would maybe try to include them in the things that I did with my tank..Maybe they are not interested, but they seemed to be interested in having one..so why not include them in what needs to be done and learn together

[HumbleFish]

My wife has a love/hate relationship with my involvement in this hobby. She loves looking at the tanks, and has even named all of my fish. She likes telling me where I should move a rock to, will sometimes want me to buy a certain fish/coral (usually not compatible :headwalls:) when we go to a LFS, etc. etc.

But she doesn't like all the time I spend working on my tanks or posting on here. She would rather I worship the ground she walks on 24/7. ;)

[Paul B]

I had my fish long before I met my wife and she knows that it is not going anywhere. I buy fish, she buys shoes.

[houstonhobby]

One thing I do is to never ever complain about the money my wife spends on anything, no matter how much I might think it was a waste of money. Of course, to my wife all of the money I spend on the tank is a waste of money, and I probably average $1000 a month or even more. Never keep track of money in this hobby. Not a happy thing.

[triggreef]

One thing I do is to never ever complain about the money my wife spends on anything, no matter how much I might think it was a waste of money. Of course, to my wife all of the money I spend on the tank is a waste of money, and I probably average $1000 a month or even more. Never keep track of money in this hobby. Not a happy thing.

+1 here. Anytime you complain about something she buys, you open yourself up to be questioned. I consider myself a fairly honest husband, but when it comes to the tank the less she knows the better lol. We came to somewhat of an agreement about not bashing what the other buys but sometimes there's still words exchanged. I usually plan shipments for arrival when she works which helps.

I also got her a little more involved by getting a good camera. Sometimes I catch her taking tank pics. Either cuz she likes it or she's proving a basis for divorce I'm not sure. Lol but she generally would never notice something new. Every now& then she thinks she saw something new, I just say c'mon, that's been there for a year. It's just now starting to grow. Lol

Also, an apex controller really does help. Everything is automated. Most I do is fill the auto top off now and then. Qt keeps me very busy though sometimes. Like when a fish med requires 25 water change every day. Yuck

[meisel1]

I seem to be in the same position as Paul. Have had tanks in one form or another for 41 yrs and a wife for 25 :D...mind you i only spend about 2 to 3 hrs a week on the two I have now.

[clay12340]

Wait till you have kids...

That said make a budget. You've got X dollars/hours that fall into both of your personal entertainment funds. You don't spend more than that and no one questions where the money/time goes since it is simply meant for stupid expenditures. If you don't budget your time and money it's always going to be lacking.

If that sounds like too much work trade the girlfriend/wife in for a dog. They'll love spending time with you while you work on the tanks. They always seem to be a lot happier to see you when you come home too.

[M4rz]

I don't have an issue with either. She likes the hobby as well.

[IdahoCindy]

My husband seems to enjoy the "view" when I'm leaning into the tank! He hasn't complained yet. He knows this endeavor is one which helps me relax after work. Fortunately, the tank is right in the living room.

[ALH]

My husband is also very supportive and he never complains about money I spend. When I had my 180 gallon tank I could have bought a gem tang and he would've been cool with that. But we're not rich and I don't spend money like that. I'm setting up a 34 gallon tank now. I already had most of the equipment so money output will be minimal. Unless I decide to buy a candy basslet :)

[KafudaFish]

No I have never had my wife complain about this hobby.

If all the bills are paid off and the kids are taken care of why should she? I don't care what she does with our money any more than she cares what I do with it.

Why be with someone who complains about you being happy about something in life?

[Paul B]

and I probably average $1000 a month or even more
I don't spend a thousand dollars a year on my tank.

Wait till you have kids...

Been there, done that. My Daughter went to Fordham. One year there costs more than what I spent in the last 43 years with my reef tank. :hmm4:

[MondoBongo]

One thing I do is to never ever complain about the money my wife spends on anything, no matter how much I might think it was a waste of money.

sage like wisdom.

my girlfriend doesn't complain when i buy AI Vegas or an MP40, i don't complain when she buys a Coach purse, or gets her hair done.

like any other hobby, it is a money pit. lord knows the untold piles of cash i "wasted" racing my car. but at the end of the day, it's all about doing something you enjoy to blow off steam.

it helps that my girlfriend legitimately likes the hobby. even if she doesn't want any more tanks in our current house.

she very much enjoys looking for fish and corals, or coming home after a long day, sitting in the dedicated "tank chair" and just relaxing to the rhythm of the reef.

[terrypercula]

My girlfriend might even enjoy the tank more than I do...that being said she's a fish lover and I'm a coral addict so that's what our reef related battles are about. I buy a coral and she's mad I didn't buy a fish ha

[HiImSean]

My wife enjoys my tanks. We keep spending pretty fair in our household so no complaints from her. She does most of her studying in the room where the tank is. When I'm out of town for a few days she tells me I need to clean the glass lol

[imkelz]

Never had a problem with this. My husband loves the tank more then I do lol. :)

[aroundtown]

Wife hates the time and money I spend. I try to include her but she wants nothing to do with it. I guess I am a pain with three tanks...what can I say

[RVANANO]

My wife hated the 120 when I was setting it up but now she can't wait for the 300. Until I really start setting it up :lol:

[leewish]

My wife has a love/hate relationship with the tank. I got into the tank bc she wanted me to cut back on poker as a hobby. There were no complaints when I won but when I lost I had less money, nothing to show for it and missed quality time with kids.

She doesn't mind me spending on the tank bc I have something to show for it. I do get "the look" when she disapproves of how much I spend on something. Right now I'm scared to buy a new light to grow corals bc I have a basic light for fish.

She liked looking at it though especially when I have fish with color. However she hates and noise or salt smell so I always hear about that when she's in a bad mood.

Like others said she wants fish that are not comparable with my plan and I'm always stopping her from trying to buy something to put in that's artificial. Last week I put my foot down and said no to a nemo statue bc I like the tank looking natural.

So overall my tank is like I'm cheating on my wife bc I spend more on it. At least my kids like it. If only they didn't have fingerprints. Sigh.

[mcozad829]

I can't tell you how sick I am of hearing my wife complain about the time and money i spend on my tank. A lesson to all single guys if your girlfriend starts to complain get rid of her. lol. It only gets worse.

[Vinny Kreyling]

Before I got my 220 she said "save your money".
After it was delivered she said " If I had known it was that big you never would have gotten it".
When we moved there was a spot for a 300 gallon Deep Dimension in the drawings.
I reconsidered because of the space it took up & a 250 sits there now.
I once said- "I could always go to the bars & look for women instead".
No Complaints since.

[Speed]

my Wife has been extremely understanding and supportive over the past year as I've spent 1000's accumulating good equipment. I've even became frustrated a few times as life goes and squashed the project due to things such as major appliances breaking and such and she has brought me back and discouraged me from giving up. (I've showed her d2mini's tank too :eek1:;) )

I'm finally at the end, everything and I mean everything is bought and paid for.
I'm currently wrapping the stand in oak and then plumbing and should have the tank in place and water testing within the next 14 days or so. :celeb1: :celeb3::celeb2:

[justinr2k]

When I was first setting up my tank my wife loved the idea of a tank and actually pushed me to get one but soon realized that it was taking a lot if my free time I would spend countless hours reading and tinkering she expensed her concern and i realized that I was spending to much time on my tank but as my tank became more mature and things became more automated (controllers and ATO) my tink time went down and now I can actually enjoy my tank and look at it with wanting to change something more importantly spending time with my wife and kids couple of thing I did is alway include my wife in decisions: pick a fish, pick a coral, do you like this color combo ect and I got my kids involved with water changes mostly letting them hole the hose, fill my ATO and feeding the fish my wife loves the tank she alway showing it off and posting pics of it so it worked out you have to look at from her point of view how would you like it all she did was stay in the bathroom all night and do her hair and you only saw for an hour or so you wouldn't like it would you

My girlfriend has gotten better over the past year. It started out with a lot of complaining. I started doing the same thing with the fish and corals. I let her pick some fish and corals now. She wanted a mandarin goby so she got one. She wanted a sea hare (d*mnit) so she got one. It wrecked my tank but she loved it. It didn't live long. Yeah, I need to split my time better. Pay her more attention and less to the tank.

[justinr2k]

Well, I am not sure my input is much good here because one I don't have my tank up, and two I don't have anyone else in my life..

That being said..If I did, I would maybe try to include them in the things that I did with my tank..Maybe they are not interested, but they seemed to be interested in having one..so why not include them in what needs to be done and learn together

Agreed.

[justinr2k]

Wow. Lots of responses. Awesome.

I also get frustrated at my girlfriend because of her complaining, but I need to spend more time with her and less on the tank. I will say that since I got her more involved, she has been a bit better. That's how we came up with the 8 o'clock thing. It was her idea actually.

[justinr2k]

Before I got my 220 she said "save your money".
After it was delivered she said " If I had known it was that big you never would have gotten it".
When we moved there was a spot for a 300 gallon Deep Dimension in the drawings.
I reconsidered because of the space it took up & a 250 sits there now.
I once said- "I could always go to the bars & look for women instead".
No Complaints since.

Nice.

[Nina51]

I don't have anyone else in my life..

oh, i dunno about that. from your avatar, it looks like sumbunny wuvs you. :)

[bif24701]

How many of you guys/gals have a significant other who complains about your tank/reef hobby?

My girlfriend used to complain constantly about how much time and money I spend on my tanks. Nowadays she just mentions it here and there. Mostly when I finally sit down at 9pm to spend some time with her. It's not always 9pm. But I barely ever make it done with whatever I'm doing by 8pm. I get off work at 5 and am home by 5:15 or so, then it's tank time. I'm either cleaning, rearranging, changing water, testing water, feeding, fixing, or misc other things. It's like I have to have a project. Last weekend I ran pipes in the attic from laundry room to behind tank to somewhat automate water changes.

It's always one little thing I need to do. Then it's another and another. Or sometimes the little thing turns out to be a big thing. But I can honestly say that I love it. It's my favorite thing to do. My girlfriend just doesn't seem to like me spending so much time on it. Or should I say more time on it than on her. We finally came to the agreement that I be done by 8pm every night. She realized I was going to do something to my tank every evening so the compromise was that she gets 8-bedtime. Most of the time I'm done by 8 and we go to bed between 11-12. It's a great and fun hobby for most of us. It just takes up a lot of our time.

Just figured others out there had similar issues.


That's good you and her made a compromise. When I first got married my wife would start cleaning, stomping around the house and being all ****y when I would watch football and drink a few beers on Sunday. It took someone else to tell her that that was my time to do what I wanted and she had to deal with it and finding something else to do. After that she understood it was just something I do period.

My wife like I have a hobby and brags about the tank to people when they see it. Basically that's all anyone talks about when they step in the house. My wife complains not matter what, either I spend too much time/money on it or she will say something like I'm neglecting it if it looks a little dirty.

[reefermike1]

My old tank was always referred to as my mistress. I heard quite a bit about the time and money spent on it. When I wasn't working on the tanks I was on the computer "researching" lol. Plus back then we didn't have a whole lot of disposable income, so tank purchases always caused tension. A couple times I "forgot" about a bill to buy something and that sent her through the roof. When I got out of the hobby she was happy for a little bit until my new hobby far eclipsed the tank. (gigging for a few years as a guitarist in a progressive metal band)

Now that I've gotten back in to the hobby(and the band breaking up), I'm not so obsessed with it and she actually said she missed having a tank in the house. The only thing I hear about is the increased electric bill and once in a while that I need to clean the glass. The electric bill going up is working to my advantage though because I want to drop some coin on leds and since they are far more efficient than my ancient vhos she's good with it. She did mention I should sell one of my guitars to fund it.... haha... never...\m/

[mandarin_goby]

I'm the girl in this situation and my fiance helps me with expenses for the 40b, which I set up and maintain, so that's nice. I also have a 55 freshwater, but he doesn't even care about that tank :P He never helped me with buying fish/plants/equipment for my 55 (well, I never asked!), but he has bought corals and equipment for the reef. He's gotten to the point where he can tell which fish is which, and that's a start. He even goes to all the reef stores and coral swaps with me and helps me pick things out.

He doesn't care what I spend my $$ on, and vice versa. We have separate accounts and both indulge in our hobbies...I mean, I fiddle around with the tanks while he plays Titanfall. Win-win right there.

Why be with someone who makes you feel guilty for having a hobby you enjoy?

[justinr2k]

I'm the girl in this situation and my fiance helps me with expenses for the 40b, which I set up and maintain, so that's nice. I also have a 55 freshwater, but he doesn't even care about that tank :P He never helped me with buying fish/plants/equipment for my 55 (well, I never asked!), but he has bought corals and equipment for the reef. He's gotten to the point where he can tell which fish is which, and that's a start. He even goes to all the reef stores and coral swaps with me and helps me pick things out.

He doesn't care what I spend my $$ on, and vice versa. We have separate accounts and both indulge in our hobbies...I mean, I fiddle around with the tanks while he plays Titanfall. Win-win right there.

Why be with someone who makes you feel guilty for having a hobby you enjoy?

That's cool that you guys have it worked out. One of my issues is that my girlfriend doesn't really have a hobby. She has TV shows that she watches on certain nights. During those times she likes for me to do what I need to do with the tanks. I think it's because I'll talk to her and interrupt her shows. Lol

She doesn't make me feel guilty about the hobby. She makes me feel guilty for spending too much time on it. Which in her defense is understandable. Like I said, she's gotten better over the past year. She will occasionally blow up over something else and throw the tank in my face. Once I was so mad that I told her if she helped me I would go break down the tank. She immediately backed down and told me no because she knows how much I like it. Thankfully she didn't call my bluff. :)

[justinr2k]

My old tank was always referred to as my mistress. I heard quite a bit about the time and money spent on it. When I wasn't working on the tanks I was on the computer "researching" lol. Plus back then we didn't have a whole lot of disposable income, so tank purchases always caused tension. A couple times I "forgot" about a bill to buy something and that sent her through the roof. When I got out of the hobby she was happy for a little bit until my new hobby far eclipsed the tank. (gigging for a few years as a guitarist in a progressive metal band)

Now that I've gotten back in to the hobby(and the band breaking up), I'm not so obsessed with it and she actually said she missed having a tank in the house. The only thing I hear about is the increased electric bill and once in a while that I need to clean the glass. The electric bill going up is working to my advantage though because I want to drop some coin on leds and since they are far more efficient than my ancient vhos she's good with it. She did mention I should sell one of my guitars to fund it.... haha... never...\m/

Yep. I used to hear that quite often. "You spend more time with that stupid tank than you do with me."

Now only when we are fighting.

Ha. You have two expensive hobbies.

[justinr2k]

My wife hated the 120 when I was setting it up but now she can't wait for the 300. Until I really start setting it up :lol:

I told my girlfriend I was going to upgrade to a 300. She rolled her eyes. :)

[bfin3]

Luckily, I started off with a freshwater tank with a huge teugelsi Birchir which was kind of snakelike and my girlfriend would barely go in the same room the tank was in. While the reef still gets complained about from time to time it is the lesser of 2 evils. Start out with something that'll go over horribly then get something less offensive.

[sponger0]

Most of the girls Ive been with either got sucked in or was already in the hobby.

Luckily, I dont have one now so no complaining. Its kinda nice especially since Im getting back in.

[johnike]

My wife said it's me or the tank.



I don't miss her a bit.

[FishBo]

My wife said it's me or the tank.



I don't miss her a bit.

Hahaha.. This is too good.

Seriously thou, if some of you are spending 3 hrs a day on your tank that is a bit obsessive. $1000 a month is just over the top & my wife would be serving me papers :smokin:

[annieka]

My husband never complains about the tank.
He likes the tank and he spends way more time and money on his hobby. :lmao:

[tommyz44]

Single now, but if i work on my tank to much or sit around in the bacement watching things, my dog will come bump me and tell me to pay attention to him. My last GF would always complain about it, and anytime i wanted to goto a reef store she would make it misserable, then drag me to a art exibit. Either i need to find a reefchick, or one that agrees to do a little of what i want to do in exchange to do somthing she wants. Kinda diggin the single life though :)

[Allmost]

My wife said it's me or the tank.



I don't miss her a bit.

exactly what I would have done !

[Allmost]

for me it has been all good, my GF likes the fish and corals, she has actually learned all the names of different equipments and fish and different corals ... but yea she is just a gf for now !

[toothybugs]

My wife grudgingly gave in - I didn't tell her what it took to set it up and she didn't ask, the only deal was that she gets most of my paycheck for household expenses and I have my leftovers, which she has no problem me spending however I please. I did, however, need a bump from "our" account for my RODI and as long as it's not going to be expensive long term (like running up the monthly power bill) she's good with it. She won't admit it but I think she admires what I'm doing.

And she's getting used to the gentle waterfall :)

[Themonsterisme]

My wife has a love/hate relationship with my involvement in this hobby. She loves looking at the tanks, and has even named all of my fish. She likes telling me where I should move a rock to, will sometimes want me to buy a certain fish/coral (usually not compatible :headwalls:) when we go to a LFS, etc. etc.

But she doesn't like all the time I spend working on my tanks or posting on here. She would rather I worship the ground she walks on 24/7. ;)


Haha wow pretty much summed up my senario lol now my wife wants to stay home and sell frags since she is there for our 7 month old all day...she said if we can sell frags and make our money back then it will be worth it lol...I told her it will take a while haha

[dragonfly1972]

I had reef tanks for about 12 years when I met my husband. I had to take them down when we got together to turn my den/tank room into a bedroom for my two stepsons. I never complained. After a few years I mentioned wanting a tank again. It is a big stress reliever for me and I had a lot of stress at the time. Oldest son in Afghanistan and so on.
I started with the 29 out of my attic, within a week I bought a 55 instead. ;0)
At first he hated it...complained about the time I spent on it, the money and so on. It was very frustrating!
I decided to involve him and our boys in the whole tank process. Picking things out, buying, feeding, cleaning and it got better.
He bought me a 90 for Christmas...custom built all my stands..shows everyone pictures and doesn't complain at all now.
Whew....life is GREAT!

[scott3569]

oh, i dunno about that. from your avatar, it looks like sumbunny wuvs you. :)


Yes but he doesn't come plain, as long as I feed him play with him a little bit, let him out to go do his business, he happy as a dog!! :)

[b_evans06]

My girlfriend goes to the lfs for supplies with me and sits and we watch the tank together. She is learning and asks a lot of questions. When she is gone she asks for pictures of her favorite fish in the tank (the bicolor blenny). I am lucky to have a girl so doesn't get mad about my money spending on my tank.

[Whiterabbitrage]

My boyfriend and I are each into our own hobbies so it works out well. Neither of us feel neglected because we are busy with what we enjoy. Then when we hang out we ask each other how its going. He even goes by the tank sometimes to check it out and let me know if something looks off. Mostly I think he's delighted to have a girlfriend who doesn't constantly demand attention. I'm sure delighted to have a boyfriend who doesn't follow me around nagging for attention. It must be hard dealing with a significant other who makes you feel guilty for spending time on the tank. That really sucks.

[stingeragent]

My gf doesn't have an issue even with 6 tanks, but she likes to read a lot so usually when I'm working on the tank, she will be reading. If you are a life time reefer though, you either A, have to get your S/O involved in the tank too
B, get them a hobby so they do that while you work on tank or
C, keep the tank and not the s/o

Out of those, clearly A is the best option. Some people will just never care about certain things no matter how much you'd like them too. I also fly R/C helicopters which are quite pricey. She had never complained about it, but I started taking her with me whenever I'd go fly one and it started to grow on her. Watching them at least. I can definitely see the other side though, if you spend your whole day at work, then 5 hours on the tank, then 20 mins with your g/f and its an everyday thing, you may as well not even have the g/f.

[justinr2k]

My gf doesn't have an issue even with 6 tanks, but she likes to read a lot so usually when I'm working on the tank, she will be reading. If you are a life time reefer though, you either A, have to get your S/O involved in the tank too
B, get them a hobby so they do that while you work on tank or
C, keep the tank and not the s/o

Out of those, clearly A is the best option. Some people will just never care about certain things no matter how much you'd like them too. I also fly R/C helicopters which are quite pricey. She had never complained about it, but I started taking her with me whenever I'd go fly one and it started to grow on her. Watching them at least. I can definitely see the other side though, if you spend your whole day at work, then 5 hours on the tank, then 20 mins with your g/f and its an everyday thing, you may as well not even have the g/f.

But she scratches my back! Jk. I love her to death. I'm working on getting her more involved. Also I spent an average of 4 hours with her in the evenings. About 3 on tank stuff. I've always got something going on. I'm not satisfied yet. Are we ever?

[Paul B]

I had tanks before my wife was born.

[justinr2k]

My girlfriend goes to the lfs for supplies with me and sits and we watch the tank together. She is learning and asks a lot of questions. When she is gone she asks for pictures of her favorite fish in the tank (the bicolor blenny). I am lucky to have a girl so doesn't get mad about my money spending on my tank.

My girlfriend doesn't like going into the LFS anymore. The last few times we were in there forever. She reads in the car now. Lol

She still asks me about the tank sometimes. She also stops by it sometimes and peers into it. I think she secretly likes it. She calls the corals by their colors though. No interest in names.

She does like the fish. Of course we have the standard "Nemo" and a selection of other fish names that she came up with.

[Reeferz412]

Been with the gf for almost two years now. I had tanks before her and still do. I am finishing up my business program and moving onto my bachelors. I told her I want to downgrade in size or completley sell off the tank so I can focus better. She ripped me a new one because she met me with fish tanks and has always known I love my Reef tank. She told me she wouldn't know what I would do without some sort of filter to mess with or aquaria subject to talk about. Honestly, it's your hobby and no one should make you change your mind about what you like.

[Buzzword]

I had tanks before my wife was born.

Me too! Ha Ha, love it Paul.
My wife enjoys the tank, is getting into the 220g a little bit more now that I have the lights hung and rock and water in it. As long as I don't complain about her buying her things (paints and such for art/craft projects) and the kids are fed it is all good. She loved our Mimic Blenny from or last tank and now wants another and is asking about the wrasses and tangs I will get.

[davocean]

I always say make sure your significant other is reef safe!
My Gf is awesome, helps me, supports what I enjoy,and we by far stare at my tank more than TV(And she's hot!lol)

[CoralBeauty13]

We both love the hobby, me more than him. I heard of a 180gl reef tank going to be taken down so I wanted it to have more room for my FW Jag and Green Terror to keep them from fighting. He saw how beautiful it was with coral and fish ...so.... COMPROMISE: He bought me two nineties, and bought the whole 180 out right.
He gets a compatible fish, I get coral, vice versa.
He buys games, I by corals. We both have our duties in the tank. I take care of fish/coral ect. He takes care of the electronics and skimmer. We team up for water changes and tank maintenance. He has his fav fish and coral, and they're all my fav, well the Scooter Blenny beats them all (;.... If a fish or coral dies, he takes me to get a new one because he knows how much time and effort "we" put into it.

He spends hours playing games, I spend hours on the tank...easily done BTW. We have four tanks in the house and every other weekend it's "TANK TIME" !

As for kids we don't have any, I did make the remark as to "What if" one day while it took us the whole day cleaning the tanks..he says..."We'll get a nanny "...Lol'

[justinr2k]

I always say make sure your significant other is reef safe!
My Gf is awesome, helps me, supports what I enjoy,and we by far stare at my tank more than TV(And she's hot!lol)

Haha. Nice.

Mine is hot too! That's why I need to pay her enough attention to keep her! :) She's borderline reef safe at the moment.

[supervdl]

it is a good excuse not to be forced to watch tv shows with my wife... that being said she sometimes hates the time I spend on it.

worst thing though is taking her to an LFS because I end up buying stuff just to have my piece and my corals end up suffering ...:o

[justinr2k]

it is a good excuse not to be forced to watch tv shows with my wife... that being said she sometimes hates the time I spend on it.

worst thing though is taking her to an LFS because I end up buying stuff just to have my piece and my corals end up suffering ...:o

I hear you. Like the Sea Hare she made me buy. She suggested it but if I hadn't she would have been mad.
It was like a bull in a China shop in my tank. Corals knocked over every day. It couldn't have died quick enough for me. I then told her no more Hares. She acted mad but got over it quick. One thing I did was started adding more green to the tank. Her favorite color is green. It also looks best under blue lights. So win win.

[bif24701]

My wife has a planted tank she keeps, mostly. I have the final say just so she doesn't screw it up. But for the most part she is very good about her research and choices. I just added CO2 so she was happy about that.

When I first got into the hobby she was happy about it cause I finally found my hobby. Little did she know. I have spent countless hours on the computer doing research, so so much money, an hour of more each day and half a day on the weekends, sometimes more. I'll sit and watch my tank for hours while she is watching the Walking Dead. She does complain about how much I invest in it money/time. My sons bathroom is my water mixing station, always something going on there. One closet has turned into a chemistry lab. Funniest thing is when her friends come over and first thing they see is the tank and they say "Wow!" then we spend the next 30 minutes talking about it. I can see she gets mad. She used to complain I didn't have a hobby all the time. They always have to have something to complain about.

[Jscholar]

My wife is the reason i got into this hobby. She had a 55gal freshwater tank that I thought was boring so I talked her into switching to saltwater. We work together to take care of our 144gal half moon together. I find and buy all the equiment and hook it all up. She does all the tank cleaning and monitoring. We both do the fish/coral buying, feeding and water changes.

[Flashy Fins]

It's crazy to me how many people think being in a relationship means hobbies and interests outside that relationship should just disappear and never be missed. I don't operate that way and would never stay with someone who acted like that. However baffling, I can't deny it's a common attitude. My best friend's fiance is a snowboarder, and every time he and his buddies plan a day of it, half of them end up backing out due to a girlfriend or wife who tells them they can't go. The idea of needing permission to have some innocent fun is ludicrous! My friend is excited when her guy goes, because he comes back rejuvenated after a fun time and appreciative of how nice it is to be with someone who is happy to see him happy. Keeping friendships and hobbies intact prevents either person ever feeling like they had to give a part of themselves up to be in that relationship. There will be a tipping point if it goes that way, when one partner realizes the other isn't worth it.

My wife likes our tanks and appreciates the effort I put in, as she has zero interest in the maintenance, but enjoys watching the corals feeding and fishes swimming around. She is far less interested in the freshwater tank I keep, but has never complained about it, unless you count the suggestion to turn it into another salt tank (which I am taking). Whenever I'm frustrated by something that isn't working right, she suggests I buy better equipment to make my life easier. In stores, when I'm contemplating expensive purchases and trying to talk myself into buying less, she tells me I deserve all of it and encourages me to get everything I want. I don't always do that, because I'm budget-minded, but when I do splurge, it's really nice to see her as excited about the new purchases as I am. One local shop owner has picked up on the dynamic and always asks why I didn't bring her with me whenever I come in alone. :lmao:

[moriarty]

When it comes to our significant others and our hobbies, I think that Grace Murray Harper's quote: "It is better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission" is just about spot on!

[Fish Biscuit]

I can tell you that my horse is not at all jealous about my tank. He probably only knows about it because he hears me talking about it with the girls at the barn.

We have a girl at work that takes the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" approach when it comes to buying puppies. Five dogs later including 2 French mastiffs and she is still married so I would say that has some success in the long run.

[mpderksen]

My wife is probably more like the OP girlfriend. It's not the money, it's the time. I play Bass, race triathlon and started a tank. It came down to 3 hobbies (none cheap) that all involved significant time.
Last year I quit racing and joined a CrossFit gym WITH her instead. Now, 3 nights each week we're together. Her emotional tank is full, and mine has coral. We also bought a Harley to take rides on some weekends.
No more 5-hour, 80 mile bicycle rides, and I do most maintenance while she's either watching TV, or in the morning. She still rolls her eyes when I break out the tripod, or spend hours here on the forum. But my marriage has much better balance now.
I didn't marry her to just have a roommate.