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random observations, thoughts on life, humorous stories....from the studio while I paint.
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Crossroads

Posted 11/10/2010 at 11:56 AM by superkat

There are some places in California, where I used to live...where the roads are not paved, and not marked and the terrain is quite similar no matter where you look. If you go out there to drive or four wheel, you best bring a compass...because you could get confused very easily.

This correlation came about as I thought today on where I am in my life. And realizing that perhaps...I should have packed a compass.

I started out almost two years ago on a road I had not previously traveled...and seemed well equipped for the journey. I encountered obstacles, predators...but in the end...where i stand today, i am relatively unscathed.

But today, i thought, maybe i got lost. Maybe I shouldn't even be exploring out here. Maybe this terrain is just too deceiving. Maybe I need to find my way home.

It's the open air, the adventure of being on the trail that keeps me alive. So to leave what I have been traveling for two years is like leaving a piece of myself in the wilderness. The wind blows...the dust flies...and there is a part of me that is taken away...no one to hold on to it...no one to see it's departure...no one cares.

And to me...it is completely foreign. Because when I have stood in the wilderness with others...i would be the first to notice. I would run...leap...dive...injure myself in the process of saving a part of someone else. Because ALL THE PARTS ARE IMPORTANT. Not just the good ones. ALL OF THEM.

So I lose myself...but continue to pick up the lost in the dust....for what? Why was I ever tasked with having a heart that does this? Why? I have very few intimate moments with God...but today...I've been asking alot of questions. And so far.....silence.

I journeyed all the way out here. Forgot my compass. And now...I have no idea how to get back...or even if I should. Supplies running low...no where to refill...and no desire to return. I just want to complete the road, dammit. I just want to say, I did this! I want to scream out to others that have tried to explore this region that I made it!!!

But in the desert...there is no one around that will listen. There are snakes...they lay low, close to the ground, disguise themselves in the sand to harm you when you aren't looking.

However. The sky in the high desert is glorious.

If I keep looking up...if I focus on the beauty...then there is no fear. I can smell nothing but the crisp clean air...hear an eagle's call....and it refreshes me.

At the crossroad...between the call of the familiar and the call of the eagle.

.....waiting for an answer.
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