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random observations, thoughts on life, humorous stories....from the studio while I paint.
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Finding Your Way, Part II

Posted 03/26/2010 at 12:47 AM by superkat
Updated 03/26/2010 at 04:47 AM by superkat watching white Marine paint dry isn't as exciting as watching paint on a canvas dry...and i've been doing a little thinking...a lot of thinking...and some personal soul searching.

I reminded myself that I must always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around at whatever I have time for and never forget everything and every person that has even the least place within my heart. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in daily life that we forget some of the best qualities of life. My mother would quote Ecclesiastics to me all the time, that for every thing there is a season (reason), for every reason there is a purpose...she also said that I may never know what the reasons or purposes are before I die. Which kinda blows...but I trust my Mom...and I trust God...two influences in my life that will always remain constant.

We discussed time machines in a thread...and Jeremy Irons once said, “We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.” The important thing to remember here is that we control what we want to remember and what we want to dream. Being in control, making our own way and our own decisions is important to our who we are inside. Outside appearances are nice...and sometimes all anyone ever looks at...but when someone takes the time to look inside...and see what is there...that's more precious than anything superficial. I keep tons of things buried inside....only the people that I trust ever get to see into my heart. A few slip by...but I will never look at that as a mistake of my own, but perhaps the bigger picture of "for everything there is a reason."

Forgiving does not erase the past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. It's a matter of changing the focus. You can take a landscape shot, a macro can center the focus, blur the focus...but it's all the same picture...just different ways of looking at it. You can even crop the picture...but it does not remove the reality of what was once there. Think about that.

I've made it a point to never try and block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything we live through helps to make us the people that we are today. It actually shapes our future...defines us...REFINES us. I cannot change my memories, but I can change their meaning and the power they have over me.

St. Teresa said, “Remember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life. . . . If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing.” And along with that...some that you cannot deny that you must care about. For me...that would be the welfare of others.

There is something called the "Butterfly Effect", no, not the movie...but the chaos theory , e.g. a butterfly flapping its wings in South America can affect the weather in Central Park. The question then arises — why does a set of completely deterministic equations exhibit this behavior? After all, scientists are often taught that small initial perturbations lead to small changes in behavior. The answer lies in the nature of the equations; they were nonlinear equations. While they are difficult to solve, nonlinear systems are central to chaos theory and often exhibit fantastically complex and chaotic behavior.

So if we "flap our wings" exactly how many equations are we creating? And are we creating good ones, or bad ones? And how much do we want to be held responsible for? Personally...I would like to be able to know that whatever I did in my life shined with the warmth and sincerity of a forgiving heart.

I've taken a couple breaks while writing this and I've gone and looked at my beautiful little sweet miracle boy, who i was never supposed to have...and I think...who do I want to be for my son? When my son looks at me, what will reflect from my eyes? Later in life, if I'm still here for him...will he still look at me with innocent eyes and declare his unconditional love? What will I teach him? I look at his sweet face and know that nothing is more important than that little boy...and my love for him...

And it becomes very clear that it is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities. I have a responsibility to be the person I want my son to be. I must take personal responsibility. I cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but I can change myself. That is something I have charge of.

I'm going to end this with one of my favorite songs from the musical, Rent:

[B]The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today[/B]

if something in this has touched you, or made you think...i welcome all comments...that's why i started this get you to think..and comment...and maybe get a breath of fresh air in your thinking in the process.

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  1. New Comment
    Jedistphn's Avatar
    Yesterday is History...
    Tomorrow a Mystery...
    Today is a Gift....
    That's why it's called The Present

    Very Nice insightful words Kat

    Makes me think of Mr. Miagi from Karate Kid.. Finding Balance..
    And for a person with No forgiveness in their Heart..Life is a worse fate than Death..
    Posted 03/26/2010 at 06:15 AM by Jedistphn Jedistphn is offline
  2. New Comment
    superkat's Avatar
    thanks. here's another:

    Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively. -- David McArthur
    Posted 03/26/2010 at 07:27 AM by superkat superkat is offline
  3. New Comment
    mynock11's Avatar
    Some things cannot be forgiven. if so why would there be a death penalty or prison? mmmm i dont know but sure you can forgive some things but others not so much!!!!
    Posted 03/26/2010 at 09:00 AM by mynock11 mynock11 is offline
  4. New Comment
    superkat's Avatar
    Those are penalties for those who don't know how to forgive themselves...people who don't step up to the plate and assume responsibility for their actions. The greater the wrong, the stronger the penalty. And I'm not talking about verbal forgiveness, here...I'm talking about the kind of forgiveness someone has to have deep within them. Some of us can tap into that very easily...others can't. My Dad could never say he was sorry..and he was a very angry man 80% of the time. But he tried in his own way.

    So maybe the key here is "healing". A wound will heal on it's own, perhaps scar...but there are products that help speed up that process and even prevent or minimize the damage from the original injury.

    I know my tatt hurt like an MF on Jan. 7th, my birthday...and now I don't even realize it is there. I have to go to some special lengths to see it myself, although to others it is easier to look at.

    I'm not suggesting that we always have to forgive...I am stating that in order for some of us to live "forget regret" as the song states....we should consider healing in whatever way works for us.

    Stephen, ygpm.
    Posted 03/26/2010 at 12:04 PM by superkat superkat is offline
  5. New Comment
    superkat's Avatar
    And we discover..the point is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we become angry or disappointed. Shifting the focus to trusting ourselves, we are able to create the kind of self that we will be happy to live with all our lives.

    One of my favorite musical artists is Sarah McLachlan. She once said, “I've learned to trust myself, to listen to truth, to not be afraid of it and to not try and hide it.” I add to that, not to hide FROM it. Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances.

    If you decide to forfeit the confidence of your friends you will find it hard to regain their respect and esteem. It's not just takes the right fabric of person to be able to accomplish that.

    I like to think that we are all capable of turning our lives around.....

    but i'm the girl with the rose colored
    Posted 03/27/2010 at 04:01 AM by superkat superkat is offline
    Updated 03/27/2010 at 04:09 AM by superkat
  6. New Comment
    dreaminmel's Avatar
    "And we discover..the point is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we become angry or disappointed."

    Just my thought, I think that revolves around expectations more than trust. We trust people to be who they say they are and I find no fault in being disappointed or angry when it turns out to be a lie. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but it does not remove the need for consequences. If my dog eats my shoe I'm going to scold it rather than turning around and giving it a treat. Rewarding bad behavior just ensures it will continue. A very fine line to walk...
    Posted 03/27/2010 at 09:04 AM by dreaminmel dreaminmel is offline
  7. New Comment
    superkat's Avatar
    I completely agree that there is a need.... A HUGE NEED....for consequences. I know that I am very hard on Liam...I don't want him to ever get out of control. It's so hard to separate my brain from my heart in this respect, because I love my son...but sometimes i HATE the things that he does. There must be punishment, or "time outs" for him to learn. Kids learn very quickly...the older we get, the less likely we are to learn from our mistakes or take responsibility for our actions. I've lived in that environment for 12+ much I would like to be able to just walk away...but then I'd be just as guilty of not taking responsibility for MY actions.

    I've never been a "forgive and forget" person...more a "shoot now and ask questions later". When I do get into that territory where I am contemplating the "forgive and forget"...i prefer to keep it on the conservative side...there is always a scar...and i never, never, never forget. NEVER. I will never shop at Best Buy again because where I've moved on from the bad experience I had there...I can't forget what happened. Product of being brought up by a father who believed in loyalty and customer service and satisfaction.

    So here's the do you get someone to take responsibility for their actions? You can't. How do you get someone to a point where you can trust them enough to exert the effort to move on in a "forgive and forget" sort of way (keeping in mind my viewpoint on that)? You can't. The only thing you can do is to make known your feelings and stick to them, alerting others to what your stance is. From that moment falls in the laps of those who have been informed to process the information or not. Including the individual that started the whole mess to begin with.

    So, taking my Dad in me and saying "you are goin' down", and my Mom in me that said, "I love you Kathi, I just hate the things you do." I open doors with the safety latch on and see who's there. At that point...I have the choice to either close the door to who I see on the other side...or remove the safety.

    Let me add...literally, I removed the saftey latch on a hotel door in Binghamton and wound up on the floor with a loaded '48 Magnum at the back of my head....

    I do not take this scenario lightly.

    So....we wait and see...
    Posted 03/27/2010 at 09:44 AM by superkat superkat is offline
  8. New Comment
    Mmckibben's Avatar
    Yet another book worthy post by kat
    Posted 07/19/2010 at 05:19 PM by Mmckibben Mmckibben is offline
  9. New Comment
    superkat's Avatar's all from my heart. sometimes it gets so full, that i need to write it down. and i think it really helps, ya know? i think the more we express ourselves...the more we really get to know who we are. If i kept half of what goes through my head and my heart inside...i'd probably explode at some

    glad you are enjoying these. thanks, again...truly.
    Posted 07/19/2010 at 07:01 PM by superkat superkat is offline

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